Link Goes To The Death Place
by Scarey Ivysaur
Summary: Crazy things happen. Laughs are had. I enter this in a contest that ends in a three-way tie that's never decided. It's awesome.


_**Author's Notes:** Yay! for participating in writing contests! That's always awesome fun! Here I am with my first entry for Smash Mansion's Writing Competition, where I must use at least 10 lines out of a pool of 30 lines in a story with a length between 1,000 and 2,000 words. My story happens to be 1986 words in length and contain 22 of the 30 lines. & Whatever! I'm just excited! Enjoy!_

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**Chapter One: **_Link Goes To The Death Place_

* * *

Princess Zelda walked into her kitchen to find Link making breakfast. She sighed majestically.

"Last night was wonderful, wasn't it Link?"

"I don't know. Was I there?" He shrugged.

She scratched the side of her head thoughtfully. "Huh. I don't remember. What happened last night?"

"I honestly don't have a clue. All I know is I'm making breakfast. That's all anybody knows. The last thing I remember before this was … playing tiddlywinks with Tingle?" He paused, shuddered, then shrugged and continued dumping bags of chocolate chips into pancake batter.

Zelda yawned gracefully. "Alright." She tried to blink the tiredness out of her eyes, then looked at Link again. "Who are all those pancakes for?"

There had been no one in Link's mind when he'd started making them. But he lied. "They're for you, of course."

"Oh. That's sweet of you." Zelda smiled. "That is a ton of pancakes, though, and I'm actually not in the mood for pancakes."

"Oh. … Why's that?"

"The same reason I don't remember what happened last night. And the same reason I feel so _freaking_ good right now!"

Link raised his eyebrows. "And what reason is that, Princess?"

"I don't know."

Link's head shook in his confusion. "What would you like, then?"

Of course, she wanted bacon, bacon, and more bacon.

After it was all made, Link set the bacon on the table, along with a pitcher of orange juice, a bunch of bananas, and the pancakes, in case she decided she did indeed after all want them. "Ooh!" The princess squealed with delight. Then, he sat with her, and they started eating together.

"Link," Zelda mumbled through a mouthful of food, "You think you're so tough. But I could kill you, y'know."

Amused by Zelda's matter-of-fact tone compounded with her ridiculous statement, Link decided to indulge her. "Oh yeah?"

Zelda mhm'ed, taking a banana and stabbing Link's jugular vein. "See? If that wasn't a banana--" She gasped loudly. "I would have killed you!" Finally, Zelda grinned smugly.

Link just blinked in a bored way. "But it is a banana. And I knew it was a banana. Otherwise, I would have stopped you."

"Well!" Zelda scoffed, grabbing a chair and biting a chunk out of it.

"Whoa!" Link held his hands out. "Settle down."

"What!" Zelda ate the table.

"Please. Don't kill me."

"Okay." Zelda smiled.

Link sighed in relief. "Wow. Where did that come from?"

Zelda shrieked, throwing their refrigerator up through two stories and out the roof.

Link giggled in terror. "Zelda." As she slowly walked towards him, Link whimpered. "A-are you alright?"

She shrugged. "The pancakes were good."

"Yay!" he cheered nervously. Then, he tried to laugh, and failed. "Gee, I think someone's a little cranky, has a few issues this morning."

"I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES!"

"Okay," Link stated immediately.

Zelda ate the house.

"Well." Link smiled. "I'm about to run for my life. How about you?" He laughed hysterically.

Zelda thought about it for a minute. "Nope. I feel more like being murderous than being victimized, today."

"Okay. Sounds good."

Zelda simply stood glaring daggers at Link. For eighteen minutes. While Link was petrified and could only stare back at her.

"Alright. This is it. You're gonna die, Link. You're gonna die and go to the death place, wherever that is, I've never been able to figu--"

He took her into his arms and kissed her madly.

"Ooh! … Well. … Okay." She grabbed the partially eaten chair, which was the only thing in the immediate vicinity that wasn't in ruins, and sat.

"So. Zelda. Would you like to go to the beach?"

"Beach? Uh." She breathed tiredly. "Could you tell me what that is again?"

"It's where the sun burns, like, most, I guess, and people wear less clothes and do sexy things like taking long walks and getting sand in their--

"SOUNDS HOT!" Zelda screamed.

-----

Link and Zelda walked arm in arm on to the beach wearing the same clothes they always wore, because Zelda wasn't in the mood to take anything off.

"Princess. I think I might know what's going on lately."

"Oh? You must tell me."

"I think we were drugged."

"Drugged? Are you sure?"

"No."

"Okay."

They walked around for a while. Then, they stopped walking and stood still for a while.

"Yeah." Zelda looked around. "What do you do at beaches again?"

"I don't know, really. I'm always too busy to do anything. Except make pancakes. There's always time for pancakes." Link swooned for his pancakes. Then, he saw three Pokemon being Pokemon on the beach. "Hey, let's go talk to those Pokemon!" They walked over to the Pokemon.

Immediately, Pikachu screamed. "Ew! No!" And started running off.

Link was saddened. "Are you afraid?"

"No!" She had wet herself. As silly little girls are often known to do. Too much lemonade.

"Okay." Link nodded. Then, he gasped.

"What is it, Link?" asked Zelda.

Link gasped again. His eyes widened. "Yes!"

"What is it?"

"I'm so happy! … Yes!"

Zelda laughed. "What has made you so happy?"

He shook her. "Can you feel the sunshine?" sang Link, going into sporadic seizures and dying.

Pichu flailed his arms around. "Whoa! Did Link just transport his soul or something?"

"Err. Pretty much, Pichu." Jigglypuff shifted her eyes back-and-forth. "Actually."

"Cool! Where did he go? Is he getting ice cream?"

"Um. I don't think so, Pichu."

"Aw man! I love ice cream! And I mean, chocolate's good, but vanilla's much, much, much, much, much _be_tter. … Strawberry's my favorite, though." He grinned. "Yep! Strawberry! Yummy yum, strawberry! Wee!"

Jigglypuff had to choke back laughter. "Pichu! Um. Do you want some, now?"

Pichu screamed. "No! We have to wait for Link to come back!"

Princess Zelda had fallen to her knees, in tears. She laughed painfully.

"Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met." She said something in Japanese, and then exploded. Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully and pretended not to notice.

"Okay! We're getting ice cream! Right now! Ice cream, here we come!" Jigglypuff grabbed hold of a very resistent Pichu and dragged him off toward a mystical, magical ice cream place of ice cream and magic.

-----

"And to our left you can see a mysterious well of awesome."

Pichu 'ooh'ed.

"And finally, we have reached our destination."

"Lucas's Mystical & Magical Ice Cream Place of Ice Cream & Magic! Yay!"

"Let's go in."

"Duh, Jigglypuff. Duh."

"Okay. No. You stay out here. I'll get your ice cream."

"No!" Pichu whined.

"Do you _want_ ice cream?"

"Fine."

Approximately one hundred ninety-four seconds later, Jigglypuff came out of Lucas's place with some brown stuff on a cone.

"Ew! I hate chocolate! I told you that!"

"Tough mushrooms! It's a super rare kind of chocolate! … Or something. And it's what you're getting!"

"Meh!" Pichu took the cone, and then refused to look at Jigglypuff.

They stood there. And they stood there. Hey, they were still standing there half an hour later! But Pichu's ice cream didn't melt at all. Nope.

"Aren't you getting any ice cream, Jiggles?"

"Okay." She went into the place again. Dun dun dun!

Pichu sat down dejectedly and waited. Jigglypuff came back out approximately seventy-nine seconds later, holding the same stuff.

"Okay. See? I'm eating it. So you will, right?"

"Mm….Okay! … This tastes _nothing_ like chocolate." Pichu threw his ice cream in Jigglypuff's face. She screamed in horror.

"M-m-my lips!" She trembled. "They bleed! They bleed blood!"

Ness came running out of the ice cream place, totally concerned. "What's going on? Are you okay?"

"M-m-my lips! They bleed! They ble-"

"I get it. What happened?"

"I threw your nasty-nast chocolate ice cream at her _face_! 'Cause it's nasty, and she's a meanie!"

Jigglypuff cried. "Pichu, you're horrible!"

"Hey! That's not chocolate! That's our special goron ice cream. For gorons only! It's kind of dangerous for anyone else."

"What!?"

Lucas came running. "Hey! I have lotion!"

Jigglypuff suddenly stopped crying and gave Lucas a look of disgust. "I did _not_ need to know that."

"No, I mean, look it's-- Just look!"

She read the label on the tube. "Anti- goron-ice-cream-related-injuries Cream. Well, that's convenient!"

"Okay. Here." Ness took the tube. "I'll put it on for you."

"Ness… It hurts… I'm happy… Nessnessnessness…"

"There. It should heal… and stuff. Your lips should be all better in no time."

Jigglypuff moaned. "Like, how quickly?"

"This quickly." He took her into his arms and kissed her madly.

"Nessnessnessnessnessnessness..."

Pichu, standing in front of the ice cream place's mysterious well, shrieked. "Ahh! It burns! My eyes! They burn!"

Lucas agreed. "Yeah. No kissing. Mleh!"

Pichu was still screaming. "I need water! Where can we get water?"

Jigglypuff walked up to him and pointed. Wells can be used to retrieve water.

Lucas pulled a bucket up and quickly dumped it on Pichu.

Pichu shrieked in pain.

"What!?"

"Something else was in the bucket." She noticed it had rolled a few feet away from her. "Look! It's a rock!" he shouted, but it wasn't a rock.

"Oh. … Ahh! It's a bomb!" he shouted, but it wasn't a bomb.

"Oh. … Well, then what is it?"

The thing flipped around on its own and said, "Hey, guys!"

"Ahh! Kill it!" Pichu continued his streak of shrieking. He threw some of the goron ice cream at Link's disembodied head, and it screamed, then stopped.

Lucas's jaw dropped. "Wow! Great zombie-killing skills, Pichu!"

"That's nothing! Last summer, I…" Jigglypuff drifted off as she noticed strange movement.

"Hey. I'm not dead."

Pichu shrieked accordingly.

"Hey, it's okay! I won't hurt you."

"Okay." Pichu smiled. "But what was your head doing in the well, anyways?"

"I don't know. … Ahh! I can't shrug!" Everyone was completely silent. "… Uh, well. I guess I should go find my body, now." And Link's head rolled away.

-----

As Link, in one piece again, stood up, Pichu, Jigglypuff, Lucas and Ness surrounded him.

"Whoa! That's incredible, whatever just happened. … What just happened?"

"Um."

"What! How are you alive?" Ganondorf burst onto the scene. "You were dead when I threw your head down that well."

Jigglypuff poked with her stubs. "Well, Pichu, that didn't answer any questions, did it?"

"Oh, so I see you're being Mr. Creative over here."

"Jigglypuff!" Ness gasped. "You're not a girl?"

"No!" Pichu gasped. "Like, duh! Of course he's a girl. Like, uh, hello!"

Ness twitched.

As if there had been no interruption whatsoever, Link declared, "Ganondorf, no one can kill me!"

Ganondorf screamed in defeat and ran off to a random, unspecified location to plot his revenge.

Princess Zelda reappeared out of oblivion and attached herself to Link. "You're alive, too!"

"Yeah!" Pichu rolled his eyes. "Like, duh!"

Link laughed heartily. "I feel … like making pancakes." Everyone cheered. "Yay!"

The badminton racket shot through the air before piercing his chest. Link died.

Pichu gasped. Everyone was silent. Pichu gasped. Everyone was silent. Pichu gasped.

"Zelda!" Pichu ran up to her and gave her a hug. "You're back. I missed you! You should take me to get ice cream, instead of that mean Jigglypuff who always gets nasty-nast nasty stuff."

Princess Zelda smiled, giving Pichu a pat on the head. "Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met." Then, she threw Pichu, and he fell down the well. Finally, she said something in Japanese, and then exploded.

Jigglypuff blinked. Then, she shrugged. "Where's my lover?"

"Right here, Jiggles!" He took her into his arms and kissed her madly.

"I love you, Ness."

"I love you, too."

"I love you lot a lot."

"I love you long time."

"I love you lot a long time."

"I love you so uberly much I might die, baby!"

Lucas frowned. "If you don't stop with the mushy crap, I'm going to have to start making pop culture references. And nobody wants that."

"Okay."

There was a short silence. "Lucas, I love you!"

* * *

End A/N: Hehe! The 22 lines that I used from the Smash Mansion 10-Line-Fic Contest are:

--The badminton racket shot through the air before piercing his chest. **- Narrator**  
--"Ness... It hurts... I'm happy... Nessnessnessness..." **- Jigglypuff**  
--As silly little girl are often known to do. **- Narrator**  
--"Can you feel the sunshine?" sang character, going into sporadic seizures and dying. **- Link/Narrator**  
--Grabbing a chair and biting a chunk out of it. **- Narrator**  
--"This tastes_ nothing_ like chocolate." **- Pichu**  
--"If you don't stop with the mushy crap, I'm going to have to start making pop culture references. And nobody wants that." **- Lucas**  
--"They bleed! They bleed blood!"** - Jigglypuff**  
--She said something in Japanese, and then exploded. _--- (twice!)_ **- Narrator**  
--He took her into his arms and kissed her madly. _--- (thrice!) _**- Narrator**  
--bacon, bacon, and more bacon.** - Narrator**  
--stabbing Link's jugular vein.** - Narrator**  
--"I DO NOT HAVE ISSUES" **- Princess Zelda**  
--Jigglypuff smiled cheerfully and pretended not to notice. **- Narrator**  
--"Pichu, you're the most ignorant person I've ever met."_ --- (twice!)_ **- Princess Zelda**  
--"That's nothing! Last summer, I..." **- Jigglypuff**  
--"SOUNDS HOT" **- Princess Zelda**  
--Wells can be used to retrieve water. **- Narrator**  
--"Oh, so I see you're being Mr. Creative here." **- Pichu**  
--but it wasn't a rock. **- Narrator**  
--"Nessnessnessnessnessnessness..."** - Jigglypuff**  
--"Are you afraid?"** - Link**


End file.
